I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
