I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Boobs speak an international language.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's rum buckets o'clock
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
