I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
