he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
