i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
