It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
