dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
