as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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