woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
