Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
