im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
