if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
