We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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