"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
