I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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