I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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