I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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