I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
BRING THE BAGELS
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
