Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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