shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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