His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
