OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
