Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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