oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
