Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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