My liver just broke up with me...
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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