You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
