I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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