he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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