my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
