It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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