Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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