Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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