Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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