DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
