The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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