i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
