i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
