I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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