Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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