I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
