I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
