we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
