I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
