All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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