i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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