What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
