Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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