I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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