Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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