will power is for people who don't want to get laid
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
