So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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