Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sext me about skeletons
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
