I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
