I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
