Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
